An intense expression of pain and the weight of conflict became visible on Arizona Senator Jeff Flake’s face as the Senate Judiciary Committee meeting built up towards its vote on whether or not to favorably report Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh to the full United States Senate. Considering the events of the day before – which included disturbing testimony about Kavanaugh’s sexually aggressive behavior, Kavanaugh’s insistence on how much he enjoyed beer, and plenty of sobbing over his calendar – it was easy to overlook. But between being confronted in an elevator by women berating him for his failure to understand the realities of gender bias and sexual assault, a dramatic last-minute powwow with the Democrats on the committee, and C-SPAN’s cameras making note of every time he entered and exited, Jeff Flake became the subtle subject of much attention.

Ever since Flake began to separate himself from his Republican colleagues through his heavy criticism of Trump and announced that he would be retiring from the Senate at the young-for-a-senator age of 56,1 Flake is currently 55, his term will end in January 2019 when he will be 56. many an eye has been cast on his efforts to pull America and his Republican Party back to a more centrist and traditionally “compassionate conservative” kind of place. And indeed, as Senate Judiciary Chairman Chuck Grassley prepared to call for a vote, Flake announced he had something to say – that Democrats and Americans were “justifiably uncomfortable” with the nomination as it was and that “it would be proper to delay the floor vote for up to but no more than one week in order to let the FBI to do an investigation” on the allegations against Kavanaugh. Compared to the vitriol in the hearings of Kavanaugh and his accuser, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, in the day before where the focus was on Republican senators delegating their time to a female prosecutor at best, and unleashing Bill Cosby name-dropping explosions in the case of South Carolina Republican Lindsey Graham at worst, these moments and this agony on the face of Senator Flake, which seemed to foreshadow him defying his party to take a moral stand amounted to a refreshing catharsis for a bitter episode of 2018 America.

Jeff Flake is not the hero of this story. He is not responsible for preserving the social order or defending liberty and decency in a divided America. He is not the champion many in the political center and left have hoped he would be, and his consternation about the direction of the Republican Party has tended to take the form of a book and shy warnings more so than in actual resistance.

But Jeff Flake is the fulcrum of the story – he is the lens through which a divided America can see the reality of an incredibly high-profile and high-tension situation that will influence the fate of jurisprudence in America for decades to come. Brett Kavanaugh, a polarizing judge who was following the path of other failed-nominees even before allegations of sexual assault arose this past month — has become a pivotal figure in a pivotal moment for American government in the 21st Century. As the nation’s gridlock – which has persisted even under a Republican-controlled House, Senate, and White House – became more entrenched, the courts have become the most effective avenue through which citizens can achieve long-term advocacy goals, giving the Supreme Court a heightened importance. As if that didn’t make the stakes high enough, the most gripping national dramas of our times – be it the debate over presidential authority and immunity, the #MeToo movement, hyper-partisanship, a decades-long urge to rehash the abortion debate, Senate procedure, and implicit gender and racial bias – have all come to a head in Kavanaugh’s nomination.

Kavanaugh’s nomination was always going to be challenged – Democrats have been anxious to give Republicans a taste of their own medicine ever since the the GOP refused to even hold a vote on Merrick Garland’s nomination in the waning days of the Obama presidency. It’s hard to argue that there was ever a chance of Kavanaugh’s nomination not becoming political, it was too important, and feelings were too raw, and many Democrats announced their opposition before his temperament and legal opinions were being scrutinized – and that was before the allegations of sexual assault made by Dr. Blasey Ford and two other women.

It was Republican Senators Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins who drew most of the early attention. Ostensible moderates who famously turned against their party and worked with Democrats to save Obamacare, Murkowski and Collins seemed like the two most likely sources of defection within the slim 51-49 Republican Senate majority. But for weeks the focus fluctuated; as Collins became more comfortable with Kavanaugh’s views on Roe v. Wade and it began to seem likely that Democratic senators from Trump-voting states would push Kavanaugh over the edge, it was taken for granted that the Judiciary Committee would send him on to the full Senate for confirmation. But when allegations of sexual misconduct began to pour out, Democrats became more unified, and the focus moved back towards the committee and the moderate Republicans in general.

Jeff Flake was uniquely placed. As a self-positioned anti-Trump Republican,2in line with Trump 83.6% of the time. a senator from an increasingly-moderate state, one of the 11 Republican (versus 10 Democratic) members of the Senate Judiciary Committee, and – perhaps most importantly – a senator who is retiring and does not have to run for reelection, he was in a position to be the critical decision maker on Kavanaugh. The following Friday morning, before the committee was set to vote, Flake’s office released a press release announcing he would vote to recommend Kavanaugh for confirmation by the full Senate.

And with that, we come back to the near present – when Flake, after being faced down by a victim of sexual assault that morning in the elevator on his way to vote in favor of Kavanaugh, with that pained look on his face – seemingly had a change of heart. Apparently breaking ranks, Flake confessed to the committee he “couldn’t move forward without hitting the pause button… this is tearing the country apart.” So, without promising to do much other than what was in his power to advocate for a week-long FBI investigation into the claims made against Kavanaugh (a decision ultimately up to many other actors, and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who has the final say as to when the final vote would be held), the high drama of the week concluded, only promising more in the week to come.

Many an outlet called this past week and its lengthy testimonies “exhausting”, a form of trauma, or “painful” – but the truth is, even if you felt these things, it was hard to look away. It was difficult not to follow, as evidenced by a lengthy (we’re talking 13 minutes) Saturday Night Live cold open that’s only funny if you spent hours following the details of these hours-long hearings. It was like following a train that veered off the rails but managed to continue somehow miraculously plowing through a city at increasingly dangerous speeds, with people named Tobin, PJ, and “Squi” waving out the window to overwhelmed rubberneckers. And Dr. Blasey Ford said as much, though her words are far more ominous than mine: “I was calculating daily the risk benefit for me of coming forward, and wondering whether I would just be jumping in front of a train that was headed to where it was headed anyway and that I would just be personally annihilated.”

There is, of course, one narrative thread missing in most versions of this story that is critical to understanding how Jeff Flake cast himself in this saga. That is the death of his fellow senator from Arizona, John McCain, on August 25 – just as the Senate was gearing up for the first hearings on the nomination. Rarely remiss to say what he believed, McCain was the third Republican vote in standing with Collins and Murkowski to defend Obamacare, and was one of Trump’s most vocal opponents within his own party – a voice that carried far more weight than the junior Senator Flake. McCain’s passing also insured that Kavanuagh’s fate would be determined by his and Flake’s state of Arizona. John Kyl, a former senator from Arizona and the “sherpa” responsible for shepherding Kavanaugh through the nomination process, was named the interim junior senator for Arizona, and the onus fell squarely on Senator Flake – now the senior senator from Arizona –  to consider McCain’s legacy in terms of conservatism in America. The day after McCain’s death, Flake was asked about the value of McCain’s voice – and what he would miss about it. He said it was the “calling for civility, the voice that sees good and voices good in his opponents, the voice that stands for principle – [put] country above party. That’s the voice that we’re going to miss.”

And it is through this same frame of reference we can see the distinct division of Senators Flake and Graham. Lindsey Graham, another senator close to McCain (if not geographically, then ideologically) – the Robin to McCain’s Batman – became unhinged. No longer restrained by the temperance of his mentor, Graham lambasted any enemy of Kavanaugh and the behavior of opposing senators in a impromptu rant at Thursday’s hearing. It was abrupt, unexpected, and completely Trump-esque – much like Kavanaugh’s prior testimony. Perhaps it was witnessing this outburst, being confronted by protestors, or shrewd and frantic negotiation by Democrats, that gave Flake such pain – but it is hard to imagine that the spectre of John McCain did not influence his decision as well. In a post-McCain era, with little to lose, Flake may have to move from being simply an advocate for conscientious conservatism, to a practitioner of it as well.

But once again, Jeff Flake is not the hero of this story. He is a complicated man in a complicated time. Some mistakes can and should be forgiven, and Jeff Flake – and indeed every other senator – has made them, but the corollary is that doing something right does not mean you are redeemable. To insist Jeff Flake is the hero is to believe that either every other senator who wanted to delay and call for an investigation is also a hero for wanting to be cautious and considerate. And to insist Jeff Flake is the hero also diminishes the work of the hundreds of constituents who called, wrote, and dropped by his office to beg him to take action. Calling for caution and thoughtfulness in the face of such a decision is not heroism, it is the duty of the Senate – the nation’s highest deliberative body – and to do that is to live up to the legacy of John McCain at his best. As this news cycle pans out, it seems clear that the word “hero” cannot be bestowed upon anyone who simply wants to be delicate, dutiful, and inquiring about one of the most important decisions a nation can make  (because that should be the bare minimum) or especially to anyone willing to be rash and expedient to get their way.

Dr. Blasey Ford, the other women who have come forward to share their stories about Brett Kavanaugh, the women who confronted Senator Flake, and the protestors who have interrupted hearing after hearing have all been declared heroes too – and depending on your political persuasion, it’s easy to make such assertions. Even if you do not believe or support them, it must be acknowledged that they have all taken risks and gone above and beyond what is expected of them as citizens. But Flake, as conflicted and pained as he may be, owes himself and the nation a higher standard, because it is incumbent on a senator to be better than everyday citizens: to pry where others can not, to deliberate where others do not, and to do the right thing when others will not. Just meeting that standard is not heroic, it is their job.