Earlier this month, former Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson announced his candidacy for the 2024 Republican presidential nomination. Along with former South Carolina Governor and Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley and former President Donald Trump, he’s probably one of only three Republican candidates you’ve ever heard of before. But there are a handful of  other people who have already thrown their hat into the ring for the GOP nomination, some of whom even announced their campaign well before Trump did at the end of 2022.

Even by the standards of Hutchinson and Haley, both of whom polled at 1% in a recent Reuters/Ipsos survey, these people are longshots to win. But that doesn’t mean they still won’t be able to make a name for themselves. In 2012, Herman Cain, likely unknown to people outside of the restaurant industry, seemed like he could snag the Republican nomination before allegations of sexual harassment did him in. Even then, he would go on to become a prominent conservative voice and Trump ally, even after his death in 2020. Not many non-Oprah fans were familiar with Marianne Williamson before she ran for the Democratic nomination in 2020, and pretty much nobody knew who Andrew Yang was either. But thanks to the Democrats’ generous debate rules, both of them got time to shine during the campaign, and both have been trying to foster political careers ever since. 

So while the following longshot candidates are more likely to meet the same fate as Gary Bauer and Tom Steyer rather than losers who managed to raise their profile like Bernie Sanders or Tulsi Gabbard, they still could play an unexpected role in American politics somewhere down the line.

But what kind of role might that be? To find out, let’s take a look at who the six most prominent of these less prominent candidates are:

John Anthony Castro

Age: 36 or 37

Home State: Texas

What, Who Is This Guy Exactly?: John Anthony Castro describes himself as an “international tax attorney,” and although he’s not licensed to practice law by any state bar in the country he is running to be president of, that could still technically be correct. After all, he did advise some Americans living in Australia that they could renege on an agreement with the IRS regarding their foreign owned income, which landed them in hot water with, well, the IRS. Castro is also being investigated by the IRS himself, making him at least the second Republican primary candidate to find himself in legal trouble in the midst of the campaign. 

But it’s not just taxes Castro has to worry about. In his self-published 2005 book My Plan for Laredo (cop the PDF here!), Castro claimed he was a standout student at West Point. He did not attend West Point. He did attend the Georgetown Law Center, however, where he was nearly expelled for “mischaracterized information” on his resume, and would later sue his alma mater for refusing to allow his tax-preparation firm, Castro & Co, from participating in the school’s job fair. Because he sued the famously Washington, DC-based university in Texas, the suit was thrown out.

Has He Ever Run for Office Before?: Three times, in fact. The first time was in 2004, when at the (allegedly) tender age of 18, Castro ran in the Democratic primary for Webb County Commissioners Court Position 3, receiving only 437 votes. Apparently, at some point between 2008, when he criticized the Bush administration as “dictatorial” and wrote a letter to the editor of the Laredo Morning Times celebrating Barack Obama’s presidential victory. By 2017, when he donated $1,000 to Trump’s re-election campaign, Castro became a Republican. He received 4.5% of the vote in the 2020 Republican Primary for Texas’ Senate seat, and 5.5% of the vote in the 2021 special election in Texas’ sixth district (not bad for a guy who apparently only campaigned via Zoom). Despite his donation to Trump, Castro now describes himself as an anti-Trump Republican and sued the FEC to disqualify Trump from running for president, alleging the former president is ineligible under the 14th Amendment because he provided comfort to insurrectionists.

Does He Have Any “Interesting” Ideas?: Boy does he! While running for Congress in 2021, he announced a plan to establish the University of the American Citizen Online, a free, online university with classes taught by celebrities (literal examples from Castro’s website include phys ed taught by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, economics taught by Mark Cuban, and – in a move that will probably win him no Republican votes – “Civics and social studies” taught by Noam Chomsky). He also supports the creation of a National Health Commission modeled after the Federal Reserve that would “collectively negotiate prices on behalf of Americans.” 

Does He Have a Political Future?: Probably not, but if he wants to keep putting in low effort runs for every office possible, who are we to stop him? 

Perry Johnson

Age: 75 

Home state: Michigan

What, Who Is This Guy Exactly?: Perry Johnson is a Michigan-based businessman who describes himself as an expert in international quality standards and certifications. Sound boring? I thought so too, but it turns out, like John Anthony Castro, there’s some scandal in his past that makes him marginally more interesting.

The nutshell version is that Johnson founded two companies – one that taught businesses (like, say, the supplier of airplane parts) how to pass certification audits, and then another that performed those same certification audits, which is not exactly the most ethically sound practice in the world. Boeing blew the whistle on Johnson back in 2003, resulting in a suspension and lawsuit from the U.S. Registrar Accreditation Board that was settled after Johnson sold one of his companies. He faced a similar suspension in Japan, although it’s a little murky as to what may have instigated that and how things ultimately turned out.

Marginally more interesting is Johnson’s status as a “junk faxer.” Johnson’s company was cited by the FCC for sending approximately 11.7 million unsolicited fax advertisements (a problem that was so widespread that Congress passed a law banning it) and was forced to take out an ad in USA Today providing details on how his unwilling audience could receive compensation. But that didn’t put an end to his aggressive advertising tactics – in 2004, he opened up a telemarketing call center in an Oregon prison. Prison labor – not just for the license plate industry anymore!

Has He Ever Run for Office Before?: Well, he tried to. Johnson launched his campaign for the 2022 Michigan gubernatorial election with a pricey Super Bowl ad that features the man himself walking very normally and naturally through an auto manufacturing plant while a narration touts an inflated version of his resume (“When your car door closes just right, thank Perry Johnson. When you even have a job in the American auto industry, thank Perry Johnson.”) and promises that his obsession with quality and statistics will help him improve the quality of life in Michigan. It’s not a bad pitch, but apparently Michigan voters weren’t receptive to it. Along with four other Republican candidates, Johnson was denied a spot on the Republican primary ballot because nearly 9,400 of the 23,000 signatures he submitted to endorse his nomination were deemed fraudulent, meaning the nearly $4 million of his own personal wealth he spent on his campaign went up in flames. Doesn’t sound like a quality operation to me, Perry!

Does He Have Any “Interesting” Ideas?: According to another costly (and much more grotesque) Super Bowl ad from this year, Johnson wants to cut the federal budget by 2% each year. The specifics of what he wants to cut are a little unclear, but I’m sure you can find it in Two Cents to Save America, a book that lays out his policies and features a forward from conservative economist Arthur Laffer. I haven’t read the book, but according to Craig Kerman, its lone reviewer on Amazon, it contains “very little substance and no actual plan.” 

Does He Have A Political Future?: Maybe! Johnson gave a speech at this year’s CPAC, and ended up finishing third in the convention’s presidential straw poll, behind only Trump and Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. Before announcing his run for the presidency, he toyed with the idea of running for retiring Democrat Debbie Stabenow’s Senate seat. Depending on when and if he drops out of the presidential race, it could still be an option for him. Whether or not he’ll be able to win in a post-Gretchen Whitmer Michigan is another question entirely. 

Steve Laffey

Age: 60 or 61

Home state: Colorado (by way of Rhode Island)

What, Who Is This Guy Exactly?: Steve Laffey served as the mayor of Cranston, Rhode Island from 2003 to 2007, but he currently raises cattle and horses with his family. But lest you think he’s a cuddly New England Republican à la Vermont Governor Phill Scott or former Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker, Laffey is actually a staunch fiscal conservative who went to war with the city’s firefighters’ and teachers’ unions while mayor, and even privatized the city’s crossing guards. In the spirit of our first two entries, he was also the subject of a mild scandal thanks to a radio show he hosted while mayor, which the state Board of Elections alleged was a campaign finance violation. The Board eventually dropped their objection.

Has He Ever Run for Office Before?: Laffey tried to use his time as mayor as a springboard to higher office, but it didn’t go well. He primaried incumbent Republican Senator Lincoln Chaffee from the right in 2006, a decision that put him at odds with then NRSC chair Elizabeth Dole and George W. Bush adviser Karl Rove, both of whom thought the more liberal Chaffee was more likely to hold onto the seat for Republicans (like many Republicans in 2006, Chaffee lost reelection). Laffey did run for Governor of Colorado for about a week in 2014 before shifting his sights to Colorado’s 4th Congressional district, where he finished fourth out of four in the Republican primary behind eventual winner Ken Buck. 

Does He Have Any “Interesting” Ideas?: In his 2012 documentary Fixing America, Laffey proposes a flat tax, and has said that he’s so conservative that he wants to take American fiscal policy back to its “Calvin Coolidge roots.” Apparently part of that will involve overhauling Social Security into a convoluted, semi-privatized system that he’s outlined on his website.

Does He Have A Political Future?: Considering that DeSantis’ past support for privatizing Social Security has all of a sudden become a liability for him among Republicans, probably not, no.

Vivek Ramaswamy

Age: 37

Home state: Ohio

What, Who Is This Guy Exactly?: Why, he’s “The C.E.O. of Anti-Woke, Inc,” of course. At least that’s how a New Yorker article describes him. I’ll unpack what exactly that means later on, but as far as his actual resume goes, Ramaswamy is a serial entrepreneur who first made a splash as the founder of Roviant Systems, a biotech company backed by SoftBank, where his attempts to revive a failing Alzheimer’s drug landed him on the cover of Forbes. He’s also the cofounder of Strive Asset Management, an asset management firm backed by his buddies Peter Thiel and now Ohio Senator J.D. Vance. Strive was founded as an ESG alternative to woke crusaders like… BlackRock and Vanguard. He also makes frequent appearances on Fox News.

Has He Ever Run for Office Before?: He toyed with running for Ohio’s Senate seat in 2022, but apparently there was only room for one tech exec from southern Ohio with ties to Peter Thiel in that race.

Does He Have Any “Interesting” Ideas?: Ramaswamy hates, and I mean hates, ESG, which stands for environment, social, and corporate governance. It’s a little inside baseball, but basically ESG is a kind of investment strategy wherein corporations weigh the environmental and social effects of their actions along with generating a profit for shareholders, which the New Yorker says Ramaswamy thinks is “the gravest danger that American democracy faces.” Ramaswamy has pushed for states to pass legislation that discourages such investment, although it’s unclear whether or not he’d leverage the power of the presidency to take similar action. He has said he wants to abolish affirmative action, the Department of Education, and the FBI; use the U.S. military to destroy Mexican drug cartels; and establish eight-year term limits for all unelected bureaucrats. 

Does He Have A Political Future?: Possibly. Young, non-white, and anti-woke, Ramaswamy is no doubt appealing to Republican leaders struggling with how to appeal to younger and more diverse voters. If the whole president thing doesn’t work out for him, Ramaswamy may be well-advised to jump into 2024’s Senate race, where he could end up facing vulnerable Democrat Sherrod Brown. But he also seems intent on founding a “media production studio” within his own campaign, hinting that he may want to become the next Tucker Carlson instead of the next J.D. Vance. Either way, you’ll probably hear about him again after this presidential run flames out.

Rollan Roberts II

Age: Unclear

Home state: West Virginia

What, Who Is This Guy Exactly?: The son of West Virginia State Senator Rollan Roberts, Rollan Roberts II is a businessman and former Department of Defense official who most notably served as part of a U.S. delegation to South Sudan in 2021 and 2022.

Has He Ever Run for Office Before?: In 2012, while living in Montana, Roberts challenged Montana state senator Bruce Tutvedt in the third district ‘s Republican primary. Roberts lost, and got himself in legal trouble for receiving illegal in kind contributions from an anti-union group.

Does He Have Any “Interesting” Ideas?: Roberts is very upset about our “soft society led by feelings instead of responsibility,” and thinks the way to solve that issue is by completely overhauling our education system by having students receive their high school diplomas and bachelor’s degrees simultaneously. As laid out in his “America 2.0 Education” plan, Roberts’ “American 2.0 Education” plan would teach high school level curriculum from 8 am to 12 pm, and then college level curriculum from 1 to 5 pm. According to Roberts, this will get young Americans into the workforce sooner and, by extension, solve the country’s student loan crisis while also allowing America to pay off its national debt and fully fund Social Security. 

Does He Have A Political Future?: Who knows. Roberts is very much a small fish in this race, but Americans love a political dynasty, so maybe he’ll eventually replace his father in the West Virginia State Senate. That said, his run for the White House didn’t exactly get off to a great start: his pregnant wife fainted during his address, which is a bad omen if I’ve ever seen one.

Corey Stapleton

Age: 55

Home state: Montana

What, Who Is This Guy Exactly?: A Navy veteran and financial adviser, Corey Stapleton served in the Montana Senate from 2001 to 2009 and as the state’s Secretary of State from 2017 to 2021. Stapleton was something of an innovator as Secretary of State, pushing back against holding Montana’s 2017 special congressional election via mail because of voter fraud concerns. He later claimed that 360 illegal ballots were cast in that election, but failed to offer up any proof, and later recanted his statement. He also may have mishandled a voter guide, directed the contract for printing of said voter guide to a former Republican official, and used a state-owned vehicle for personal travel between Helena and Billings (well over 400 miles round trip). 

Also, he sings lead and plays guitar in a band called Corey Stapleton and The Pretty Pirates, whose music can be streamed on Spotify. Stapleton describes his music as country, but I’m a bit shaken to report that, despite his very bad singing voice, some of his songs sound like The War On Drugs. It’s got me questioning a lot of things as a music critic.

Has He Ever Run for Office Before?: Stapleton loves running for office so much he’s done it multiple times in the same year. After a second place finish in 2012’s Republican gubernatorial primary, Stapleton ran for Senate in 2014 until then-Congressman Steve Daines announced a run for the same office, prompting Stapleton to run for the at-large seat, where he settled for another second place finish. Stapleton did pretty much the same thing in 2020, running for governor until then-Congressman Greg Gianforte decided to do so as well, opening up the Congressional once again. Unfortunately, for Stapleton, history repeated itself – he placed second again, this time behind Matt Rosendale.

Does He Have Any “Interesting” Ideas?: It’s a little unclear if he has any ideas at all. Stapleton’s lone campaign ad strikes an optimistic tone and asks voters to reject “fear based politics,” while his website says that he intends to “pay it forward” to future generations by freeing “ourselves from the pettiness, dishonesty, and financial mismanagement of the current political class,” but policy specifics are hard to find.

Does He Have A Political Future?: Seeing as how Montana now has two congressional districts and both of their current representatives are considering running for Senate, Stapleton may finally have a chance to win his party’s nomination for the House. Third-ish time’s the charm, right?

So there you have it – a comprehensive guide to the top tier nobodies running in the 2024 Republican presidential primary not named Donald Trump, Nikki Haley, or Asa Hutchinson. If any of these candidates become an unlikely superstar during what has the potential to be a very strange primary campaign, be sure to tell people you heard about them here first.